Stupid or what?

I dont know what I feel about now. 

Yeah. Hard to feel happy. Whom to blame for it? 

I dont want to feel any of pain. I want to feel such of a mother care. But so hard to find. Someone that u put ur trust on, will be the one who put the worst pain. What the purpose of being loved?

Am I wrong for being born like this? 

What kind of love that he bring for u?

I was like being so dumb for ever trust a person so much. I was so dumb that I still want to try. I was so dumb for seen as a crybaby where no one can be there for u to take care of me. I was too dumb for seen as a rubbish as I was nothing to be struggled for... Yeah! I was nothing :)

Breakaway

I couldn't tell all my problem. Not because I dont want but it's just hurt when you just could listen to it but don't understand. Here's a song fit me right now. 

"Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson"

Grew up in a small town

And when the rain would fall down

I'd just stare out my window

Dreaming of what could be

And if I'd end up happy

I would pray (I would pray)

Trying hard to reach out

But when I tried to speak out

Felt like no one could hear me

Wanted to belong here

But something felt so wrong here

So I prayed I could break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly

I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky

And I'll make a wish

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun

But I won't forget all the ones that I love

I'll take a risk

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze

Sleep under a palm tree

Feel the rush of the ocean

Get onboard a fast train

Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)

And breakaway

Buildings with a hundred floors

Swinging around revolving doors

Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but

Gotta keep moving on, moving on

Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings

And I'll learn how to fly

Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye

I gotta take a risk

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway

Out of the darkness and into the sun

But I won't forget the place I come from

I gotta take a risk

Take a chance

Make a change

And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway

Smile over sadness

So much have changed this one year..

People changed, everything changed..

Time flies, so much things that I known..

No effort like usual.. You used to put me first.. 

Now seem you choose your friends more..

You just fall for me cause loneliness..

I choose to hold on cause let go is harder..

I'm learning to accept the fact now..

...

I'm stuck

Song's lyrics is the best way to speak out

"Stuck In The Moment"

With you, with you

I wish we had another time,

I wish we had another place.

Now Romeo and Juliet,

Bet they never felt the way we felt.

Bonnie and Clyde,

Never had to hide like we do, we do.

You and I both know it can't work,

It's all fun and games,

'Til someone gets hurt,

And I don't, I won't let that be you

See like Adam and Eve,

Tragedy was our destiny,

Like Sonny and Cher,

I don't care, I've got you baby.

See we both fighting every inch of our fiber,

Cause ain't no way it's gonna end right but,

We are both too foolish to stop.

Now you don't wanna let go,

And I don't wanna let you know

That there might be something real between us two, who knew?

Now we don't wanna fall but,

We're tripping in our hearts and,

It's reckless and clumsy,

And I know you can't love me,

I wish we had another time,

I wish we had another place,

But everything we have is stuck in the moment,

And there's nothing my heart can do,

To fight with time and space,

Cause I'm still stuck in the moment with you

See like just because this cold, cruel world

Saying we can't be,

Baby, we both have the right to disagree,

And I ain't with it.

And I don't wanna be so old and gray,

Reminiscing about these better days,

But convention's telling us to let go

So we'll never know

I wish we had another time,

I wish we had another place,

Cause everything we did,

And everything we have is stuck in the moment

I wish we had another time,

I wish we had another place,

But everything we have is stuck in the moment,

And there's nothing my heart can do (nothing my heart can do)

To fight with time and space (and space).

I'm still stuck in the moment with you

Unbreakable moment

Today is the sweetest moment that I've ever feel.. Although it just a simple one, yet it become the most meaningful surprise.. Speechless and touching.. And I become the luckiest girl today.. Thanks for those candle light along that stairs.. I see your effort through it all ❤ thousand thanks from my deepest heart